Hijab Stories: Compare and contrast

Story 1: Muslim reverts having problems with their parents because of Hijab.

Below is the email exchange:

assalam alaikum

A sister is having a problem with her mom (and dad
too) for wearing Hijab. First, they said u can't wear
it inside the house, then they said you can't wear it
when going out with us, so she stop going out with
parents, now they are saying you are cutting family
ties.

Their relationship was good before Islam. Now, mom is
crying and dad is arguing and all that.

Any ideas?

Please pray for her.

Email Response:

Wa'alaikum assalaam...

Yeah, I started making dua for her as soon as I read that. SubhanAllah. As if it's not hard enough to start wearing hijab with everyone staring at you and asking questions, when your parents give you a hard time, too, it just wears you down. My mom used to call it my "garb", as in garb meaning a garment, but the way she said it to me it sounded like it was short for "garbage". :P My dad used to joke that people would think he was with a movie star in disguise or a cancer patient covering up her bald head. People would look at me in restaurants and he would keep whispering things like "see, they're all pointing at the poor little cancer girl." He lost his sense of humor over it after a while and won't go out in public with me anymore either. My mom is noticeably embarrassed, but has decided that life goes on and so we go out everywhere together now. All of us reverts get the same problem. My friend Yasmine's mom calls the hijab her "rags". I also got the same line a lot about cutting family ties (usually after THEY had refused to spend time with me, same story), but you have to just keep trying. It is sooooo important in our deen, and you know this already, that we can never break ties with our family, that we have to give them love and respect, and that especially we have to give our mom the highest respect and the best treatment no matter what. Chances are that they will get used to the hijab after a while, or least most of them will. It also helped in my case to try to maintain some of the same sense of style that expresses my personality that they are used to, for their sake and for my own. For example, they tend to freak out way more seeing me in jilbab and a black hijab than to see me wearing long skirts (which I always liked) and a flowery/lacy matching scarf. And when my mom would talk about religion with me and cry, I would just try to give a loving response and explain my reasons for my faith to her, even when I had already explained it again and again. It's not easy. Your family, who loves you more than anybody else, can also make you feel more uncomfortable than anyone else. It's a long process.

Amina

Story 2: According to news reports, a father killed his daughter for not wearing Hijab

Father says killed daughter in Canadian hijab case
Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:50pm EST
TORONTO (Reuters) - A Canadian teenager who was said to have clashed with her father about whether she should wear a traditional Muslim head scarf died of injuries late on Monday, and her father told police he had killed her.

Aqsa Parvez, 16, was found without a pulse in her home in the Toronto suburb of Mississauga earlier on Monday. She was resuscitated by paramedics, treated at two hospitals, and later succumbed to her injuries, police said on Tuesday.

Her father, 57-year-old Muhammad Parvez, has been charged with murder and was remanded back into custody after his first court appearance early on Tuesday.

"There was a 911 call placed by a man who indicated that he had just killed his daughter," Jodi Dawson, a constable with Peel Regional Police, told Reuters. "Everything else is evidentiary in nature and the investigation is in its preliminary stages at this point."

The victim's brother, Waqas Parvez, 26, was arrested and charged with obstructing police.

The story was on the front pages of Canadian newspapers on Tuesday. The newspapers quoted friends and schoolmates of the victim as saying she argued with her father over wearing a hijab, the traditional head scarf worn by Muslim females.

Photos of the teen retrieved from a social networking Web site show her in Western dress with her long dark hair loose.

"She was always scared of her dad, she was always scared of her brother," the Toronto Star quoted a classmate as saying.

Others were quoted as saying the girl wore traditional Muslim dress when leaving the house in the morning, but would change into other clothes in school washrooms.

Dawson said investigators will likely speak to the victim's schoolmates. The father will return for a bail hearing on Wednesday.

(Reporting by Jonathan Spicer; Editing by Peter Galloway)

Are you keeping up with your trust?

Behold, thy Lord said to the angels: "I will create a vicegerent on earth." [Quran, Chapter 2: 30]

We did indeed offer the Trust to the Heavens and the Earth and the Mountains; but they refused to undertake it, being afraid thereof: but man undertook it; - he was indeed unjust and foolish; [Quran, Chapter 33: 72]

Our creator has assigned the Amanah (trust) to us to protect it and to be guardians on this earth... Part of our duties is to protect the earth, so what are some of the things that you can do to help protect our planet?

Well, as Muslims, we have to first learn then act.

Checkout this site: http://storyofstuff.com/




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Cleaning Up #1: Harsh Treatments

This is part of the project: Cleaning Up Our Own Backyard, One Episode At A Time.

We collect things that bother us as Muslims, and try to fix them.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ
الرعد 11

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.
Al-Ra'ad 13:11

Here is episode #1 (remix): Harsh Treatments

Please don't give people this Eid gift!

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لاَنفَضُّواْ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ
سورة آل عمران 159

So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.
Aal-Emran 3:159


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The Role of a Mother

Do you know why it takes a village to raise a child?

The obvious answer is because raising a child involves lots of efforts, and that the village/society has great impacts on children.

But, there is another reason that parents tend to ignore. It takes a village to raise a child, because often parents outsource parenting to the village, from school, street, TV, ...

The better model of parenting is as the poet Hafiz Ibrahim said:
The mother is a school. All you have to do is to well-prepare a mother, then you will have a well-prepared noble nation.

What do you think? Is it better for a mother to work as anything but a mother, or to fullfill her role as a mother first?

See below, an estimated dollar value for motherhood. Obvioiusly, it's a rough estimation. Otherwise, it's hard to quantify any hidden emotional benefits, and the quality of service (e.g. a day care compared to a mother).

Salary.com Caculator

NEW YORK (Reuters) - If the typical stay-at-home mother in the United States were paid for her work as a housekeeper, cook and psychologist among other roles, she would earn $138,095 a year, according to research released on Wednesday.

This reflected a 3 percent raise from last year's $134,121, according to Salary.com Inc, Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts.

The 10 jobs listed as comprising a mother's work were housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist, it said.

The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week, it said, working 40 hours at base pay and 52 hours overtime.

A mother who holds full-time job outside the home would earn an additional $85,939 for the work she does at home, Salary.com.

Last year she would have earned $85,876 for her at-home work, it said.

Salary.com compiled the online responses of 26,000 stay-at-home mothers and 14,000 mothers who also work outside the home.

Source: Yahoo! News


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Cleaning up #3: Double Standard

We collect things that bother us as Muslims, and try to fix them.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ
الرعد 11

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.
Al-Ra'ad 13:11

The first step to solve our problems, is to humbly admit them.

Here is episode #3.



Tags: muslim ummah islam livinghalal double standard lowering gaze men women Cleaning up, advice, reminder, I have a question

Cleaning Up #2: Judgement on Appearance

This is part of the project: Cleaning Up Our Own Backyard, One Episode At A Time.

We collect things that bother us as Muslims, and try to fix them.

The first step to solve our problems, is to humbly admit them.

Here is episode #2.



Tags: livinghalal ummah muslim islam judgement on appearance correcting advice reminder films audio video Cleaning up

Is This Halal?

Here is a question for you: Can a halal feast be haram?

• All ingrediants are halal
• Bought with halal money
• Cooked and prepared in a halal way
• No other haram materials were served

But, ...

* Hope no food went to waste, otherwise, IT'S HARAM.

Why The Double Standard?

This is a comment from a sister. It's mainly addressed to the brothers :)

Why the double standard?



Disclaimer: This voice comment is posted "as is," with no verification of its content, commenters identity, etc. Please exercise your own judgement. In general, visitors' comments are just their opinions :) They do not necessarily represent the correct position of Islam nor the position of this Web site.

Cleaning Up #1: Sad Eid Stories

This is part of the project: Cleaning Up Our Own Backyard, One Episode At A Time.

We collect things that bother us as Muslims, and try to fix them.

The first step to solve our problems, is to humbly admit them.

Here is episode #1.

It was my first Eid prayer. I showed up early, by myself, and found a place on the floor to sit. I noticed that no one made eye contact with me or said salaam or anything. Everyone kept to themselves. As more people streamed in, people sat around me. When it came close to prayer time, a sister walked up to me and--I'm not exaggerating here--started yelling at me for apparently single-handedly making the line crooked. I looked around and saw that there was no straight line at all for me to conform to, but I was so freaked out that I tried adjusting my prayer rug just to make her happy. This only made her ANGRIER, and she yelled at me some more. Finally she left me alone, but I was crying through the whole prayer. It would be one of many experiences of people in the Muslim community following Islam to the letter, but not the spirit. I don't mean to be negative about my experience as a Muslim, as there are many positive things I've experienced in the community as well. This just popped into my head.

Top 10 Bad Habits During Ramadan *

Number 10
Eating too fast and too much at iftar

Number 9
Driving recklessly to the masjid and blocking cars in the parking lot

Number 8
Getting angry quickly toward the end of the day or end of the month

Number 7
Being generous to strangers but not even talking to relatives and in-laws

Number 6
Rushing through taraweeh just to complete the Qur'an in 30 days

Number 5
Fasting just to feel hungry, without involving your mind and heart

Number 4
Fasting from food only but indulging in haram activities

Number 3
Fasting by day and sinning by night

Number 2
Observing Ramadan as a cultural festival without Islamic knowledge

Number 1
Fasting but not praying


* May Allah reward all those who contributed to this top-10 project. Oh, not contributing by practicing bad habits, but participated in brainstorming this list or recording it...





Feel free to distribute/share our contents for any non-commercial purposes.


Ramadan Related Posts:
Story #1
Story #2
Story #3

Laundry Can Be Rewarding

Doing Laundry

Connect: You can make children a part of this everyday task in ways that are fun for you and your child.

Watch and listen: Look at your child to see what he or she is interested in. Is your baby curious about how the clothes feel? Does your toddler like to take clothes in and out of the laundry basket? Is your preschooler interested in sorting clothes by color?

Curiosity is an important part of mastery. It's the desire to know. And the nice thing about it is you never get there. It’s not like you ever get to the point where you know everything or you’ve mastered everything.

Jack P. Shonkoff, MD
Dean, Heller Graduate School, Brandeis University

Extend:

For your baby

Just because your baby doesn’t talk, doesn’t mean he or she isn’t learning language. Follow your child’s gaze to see what seems to intrigue him or her. Try to see this experience through his or her eyes. Then talk to your child about what they’re watching or what you’re doing: “Now I’m putting the clothes in the washing machine…or “here goes the soap” or “you’re watching the clothes spinning in the dryer.” Children whose caring adults connect language to their everyday experiences learn to speak, communicate and read better.
For your toddler

If your toddler likes to take clothes in and out of the laundry basket, have him or her help you put the clothes into the washer and dryer. Ask questions like “Can you find the pants and put them in the dryer?” Or, name colors together. These activities can be fun and help build language and thinking skills.
For your preschooler

If your child likes to sort things, have him or her make piles of the light clothes and the dark clothes. Older children can also help by finding matching pairs of socks, or finding all of the shirts to put into a pile for folding. These activities can build math and cooperation skills. Feeling useful also helps children feel good, which encourages them to continue to want to be helpful.

These tips were developed for Born Learning by Mind in the Making, a project of the Families and Work Institute and New Screen Concepts.

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