Sunday, February 11, 2007

Why The Double Standard?

This is a comment from a sister. It's mainly addressed to the brothers :)

Why the double standard?

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At 2/11/2007 11:02:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good questions sister.

But regarding saying salam. It's known that the companions have avoided these unnecessary interactions with strange sisters when they pass-by them.

Of course, it's different when you really need to address a sister, as when the companions ask Aisha (RA) questions, they did say salam first.

So, your comment about why some brothers don't say salam to sisters, maybe they just try to avoid any interactions. As for if they follow double standards... that's a seperate issue.

At 2/12/2007 09:02:00 AM , Blogger purvis said...

Dear Sister,

This is a good point you've just made. I would say there is definitely a double-standard when it comes to male-female behavior, but it's not restricted to Muslim cultures. For instance, anyone who went to high school in America knows that the football player who womanizes is a "stud" but the women he involves himself with are called something not very nice...

We know from the Qur'an that God expects all of us, men and women to obey his commands. And although there are some differences in dress code between us, God holds us all as individuals up to the same level of halal behavior. We know this from the repeated use of "For all the believing men all the believing women" that we see in our holy book.

Regarding dress code--and also something you touched on in your recording--I once heard an imam stand up during a lecture and point out something he read in a women's magazine. He said that one of the the most attractive parts of a man's body to women is.... how do you say... the part that he sits on. Therefore, he noted, it's also important for men to dress modestly, not just the women!

At 2/12/2007 09:04:00 AM , Blogger purvis said...

just to clarify... what I meant to say is that the double-standard we see is a cultural thing, seen actually in many cultures, rather than a religiously mandated behavior.

At 2/12/2007 10:42:00 AM , Anonymous Amina said...

Why so negative, sister? I'm not saying that I haven't seen these behaviors in the men, but not any more often than I have seen equally bad behaviors in the women. Yes, I've seen the brother dressed in the low-slung pants, and Lord help the poor brother that has to pray behind him at the masjid. But I've also seen the sister who was at the masjid with her head covered on Sunday show up at the mall later in the week in a mini skirt. I think that the problem is not so much a double standard, but more that we all need to try harder to live up to THE standard. We all need to help each other to live by the guidelines that Allah (swt) has set out for us. There have been times when my husband has told me "you need to unwrap that scarf from around your neck and let it drape down a little" and there have also been times when I have told him "you need to untuck your shirt when you wear those pants", and we both accepted that criticism as the other person trying to help us. Insha'Allah if your husband offers you "helpful" advice that comes across sounding a little harsh, try to assume that he is saying it with good intentions and that he loves you and he finds you beautiful and he wants to protect that beauty to keep it for himself. :)


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